"pink ribbon scars that never forget..."
if these words mean anything, then you know who I am... if they don't then I guess you missed my so called formulative years...
Its 3 something am, I am drinking with james and dan (brian is here too). We're talking about anythign that ever mattered. Right now they are talking about our fathers and whether the old man could kick our asses... its sad, I could kick my dads ass... and I wish I couldn't, but back in the day, him at my age, he'd slap me around if it came to that... not that he ever did. Shit, my dad never touched me (and consequently his dissapointment speaks louder than his fist ever could)....
'ask yourself a question, anyone but me, I ain't free'...
the album keeps going...
best band ever. ever.
I miss 96.
I miss...
I don't miss a damn thing. I never did! I'm not as funny as I think I am I am going to tyhpe no sentences just words Idskipthespaces but then it all gets so damn redundant so damn 96... fuck 96 but not really and I fail but when I can I will (shannon knows that song, ask her about that one some time... is it so bad to remember?)
whats wrong with all your memories?
'fuck your short memories'
fuck your tattoes and fuck your short memories; everything that every mattered has happened a million times over and over in your head. my head?
time for shots. I'll be back soon...
over and over again.
alright I'm back. JAck almost made me puke, I hate to admit it...
one last kiss for me yeah, one last kiss good night...
man they rocked. fucking rocked.
I don't know if I would have ever gotten into poetry if it weren't for the pumpkins. really. if it weren't for Renee and the pumpkins. my first muse, renee, how do you spell renee? is that right? anyway. if it weren't for her and the pumpkins, both inconsequental in the grand scheme, I don't know if I would have ever written a damn thing. most things I write these days are for me, not counting this page; I write twice as much in journals and on sheets of paper...
influences? pumpkins, renee... and shannon of course, and drugs and kerouac and ginsberg and novi girl whose name I can't quite remember right now, really I can't remember her fucking name...
whatever happpend to my memory? fuck my short memory? I'm smileing again... cast into the world with apple eyes... I am going to skip to mayonaise now...
james says " I love mayonaise" from the other room. I love james, from this room...
when I can I will
when I can I will
when i can I will
dammit, when I can I will...
fool enough to almost be it, cool enough to not quite see it...
this is the song of my youth. this is it this is all that ever mattereed... why am I still typing? drugs, alcohol and existence: my driving forces... run away with me tommorrow
is it too much to ask?
really, is it too much to ask?
no it isn't. all I ever wanted was everything all I ever wanted was everything all I ever wanted was everything all I ever wanted was everything... it ain't a broken record, its all I ever wanted...

when I can I will.
goodnight.
try to understand, that when I can I will...
goodnight.