I will never smoke another cigarrette. Never, ever. but you know I will. I don't believe in never, I don't believe in always, and I sure as fuck don't believe in longevity - philosophical stances and yet I can't say I'll never smoke another ciggarrette (however the fuck you spell it)...
but I do know that I shouldn't...

I thought I broke my ankle yesterday, turns out I just sprained the shit out of it. Not so bad, couldn't work today, could've used the money. Had to pay to see the doctor. Not having insurance is a real gamble; imagine if I had broke my ankle. I'm sick and tired of gambling with every aspect of my life. I'm sick and tired of not being self-sufficient (if that is indeed a word, but you know what I mean: suffecient on your own).

It comes and it goes... comes and it goes. I forget for a while then all the sudden I remember. 26 and so... so not quite there. some good, some bad, always inbetween. Swinging between the two poles. happy, sad. One week on, one week off. I imagine its the same for anyone whose ever been fool enough to believe...

I'll just keep on smoking, even though I know I shouldn't... I just can't say no when maybe keeps me alive.