I can't shake the feeling that everything is going to be alright. I just can't help but think that we're all in the midst of an upswing and whatever comes next is going to be good. I'm not afraid of school anymore, I've been working and its going well, I am comfortable at my mother's house (finally), I am making friends and friendships, my 'important' old friends are still around, and mentally I feel so much more mature than I was just a few months ago.
To bad I am telling and not showing. Brings up another point: I don't think I am a good writer, but I can hang my hat on being a good reader. A friend and I were talking about this just the other day. Same thing with guitar really, maybe its all the arts; I can appreciate them, I can synthesize or make my own meanings, but none of it really translates and touches other people. To do that I have to talk... at least I am a good conversationalist.
I've been trying to listen more, I like that me. I like hearing about other people's lives and I like trying to give some advice. I also like making them feel better - if its only because I am a sounding board.
Jared reads this, Wayne still reads this, I just gave Lydia the address. Nick still reads it, leblanc sometimes, lea and chris of course... plus a couple other friends and cousins. That's about the highest readership I've ever had. Still no comments, but at least it doesn't feel like an empty space anymore.
Star wars has me thinking about the nature of good and evil. When you are a kid it seems to be all about the motives: the gold, the people, the ideal, whatever... I've come to see it more like there is something good, maybe a little intangible and difficult to describe. Then there is evil, which is oh so obvious: it really boils down to nothing more than a lack of faith in your self to make friends. A little bit too much of a stretch? I don't know, maybe that's my evil. But, I can't help thinking that all of us are inclined (naturally, through god, whatever) towards companionship and all the other emotions seek to serve this end or are derived from insecurities in this endeavor.
I don't have these insecurities anymore. You'd have a hard time convincing me that I am not a worthwhile companion, in any form. And it isn't even arrogance for once.
I think we're all getting like that as we grow up... I am so proud of my friends, my brother, tim, dan, jay, etc. I really think we have made it through our youth and can finally begin to work wholeheartedly at creating our own lives and enjoying our own environments...
hopefully that ramble works out/makes some sense
war jared drinking jack daniels at 5am
war Wayne passing out in the car at meijers
out
To bad I am telling and not showing. Brings up another point: I don't think I am a good writer, but I can hang my hat on being a good reader. A friend and I were talking about this just the other day. Same thing with guitar really, maybe its all the arts; I can appreciate them, I can synthesize or make my own meanings, but none of it really translates and touches other people. To do that I have to talk... at least I am a good conversationalist.
I've been trying to listen more, I like that me. I like hearing about other people's lives and I like trying to give some advice. I also like making them feel better - if its only because I am a sounding board.
Jared reads this, Wayne still reads this, I just gave Lydia the address. Nick still reads it, leblanc sometimes, lea and chris of course... plus a couple other friends and cousins. That's about the highest readership I've ever had. Still no comments, but at least it doesn't feel like an empty space anymore.
Star wars has me thinking about the nature of good and evil. When you are a kid it seems to be all about the motives: the gold, the people, the ideal, whatever... I've come to see it more like there is something good, maybe a little intangible and difficult to describe. Then there is evil, which is oh so obvious: it really boils down to nothing more than a lack of faith in your self to make friends. A little bit too much of a stretch? I don't know, maybe that's my evil. But, I can't help thinking that all of us are inclined (naturally, through god, whatever) towards companionship and all the other emotions seek to serve this end or are derived from insecurities in this endeavor.
I don't have these insecurities anymore. You'd have a hard time convincing me that I am not a worthwhile companion, in any form. And it isn't even arrogance for once.
I think we're all getting like that as we grow up... I am so proud of my friends, my brother, tim, dan, jay, etc. I really think we have made it through our youth and can finally begin to work wholeheartedly at creating our own lives and enjoying our own environments...
hopefully that ramble works out/makes some sense
war jared drinking jack daniels at 5am
war Wayne passing out in the car at meijers
out
3 Comments:
i have to say I think you are a great writer. I don't really know you at all but still I am interested in what you have to say and I'm always impressed how you put your thoughts into words. Just thought I should let you know
In all honesty, I am a great thinker and that is where my strength as a writer comes from. However, when comes down to actually being a good writer I spend far too much time telling and not nearly enough showing... thanks for the pick-me-up though.
I like your writing. If feels very stream of conscious, very honest and to the point.
brothers... both of you for different reasons...
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