I've always had the power to make people feel better about themselves, and sometimes to feel worse... lately it seems like I just keep saying mean thing: harsh truths that cut to the soul of the problem and do little more than point out another's faults. Maybe I'm sick and in a bad mood? maybe I'm just bitter? or maybe I am just an asshole and I need to get these things out?
Living around Jared, Roger, and Scott we were brutally honest to the point of comfort. Jared could cut me deep, but it didn't matter because I saw what he said as true. True and able to be changed...
Here, back home, I say snapping things to my mother, my brother, even Dan the other day and a moment later they don't fire back, they just look sad. I'm out of my element. And sadly my element is harsh.
I just wish I could act here like I do at school, that I could see every problem as an opportunity to fix, or that I could just find rest and not shit on everyone else's parade.

Really I am beeing too harsh on my self. The four events that come to mind are just that, four simple occasions where I criticized instead of being helpful. Four fucking events, and yet I know a trend begins with a simple back-to-back...
maybe I am being too preemptive, maybe I am rambling... I just don't feel to happy with my life lately and its making me angry. With no outlet for my anger (I've been sick all week and unable to run or play basketball) I'm spewing the anger out in little pieces at those around me. The worst part is they see this clearer than I do: they accept it. I cannot. I've got to calm the fuck down and start taking care of the people I love...

I hate it here.