I've been talking to Shannon again... it brings up so much of my past, so many cobwebs to clean, it's like breaking off the side of a mountain and stairing at the dirt piled level upon level until I see that grass that is today...

I'm a lot different now than when I was younger... sometimes I am saddened by this, other times proud... I used to be so angry, and yet I used to care so much. Now I'm a lot more placent and pleasurable while I don't feel as strongly as I used too... have I been contained? OR inspired?
I don't hate things like I used to. I've come to see them in there own light, each thing seperate and shining, then intertwined into everything else. Every whole a sum of its parts, every part a piece of the whole...
My vision has changed.
I can see so much better. I am so much more understanding, so much more caring towards others, especially the public (my former advesary)... I wait my turn in line, I smile as often as I can, I talk to everyone around (if only to make them smile for a second), I try to model jesus, I think what would jesus do if he were in this aisle? I try to treat everything with love, I try to hug more people, shake more hands, nod hello and good bye... I try to try; the simple things are the greatest accomplishments...
I've become a man.
I am more reserved, more confident in my speech. I am hesitant where I would of jumped, quiet where I would have screamed, patient when I would have punched... To my self I am fair as I ever was. And the same to others, ever the critic always searching for perfection (that double bladed sword)...

When I talk to shannon all these contrasts come out as I compare the 18 year old me to the 26...