"In the days, the golden days
when everybody knew what they wanted..."
This is the begining of the end kids: for better or worse I won't be taking much school anytime soon... I've gone and fucked up this semester real proper, recieved a passing grade on 4 of 6 assignments and now I have one more lesson to write and a midterm (followed by four make-ups the week after). What a hole I've dug.
It upsets me, my failure in this class, though I set my self up for this. I planned a trip to mexico in the middle of the semester, I never got ahead, I never began my assignments on a tuesday - always on a sunday the day before they were due... I failed me.
And now I am bickering and so upset with so many of the other things around me when the simple fact remains that every one of us has one most important thing which we focus on the most and a ton of elephants just to the side... me its school and a social life. I have too much of a social life and not enough of the dedication for school. It's that simple. what's worse than the simplicity of the problem is my inability to change a goddamn thing... maybe I shouldn't be a teacher considering that it is a job that involves its most work in the fall and my whole life my autumn has been a time of going out (new friends at school), watching football, and just enjoying life...
maybe I shouldn't be a teacher? that's the dumbest shit I ever wrote. I should be a teacher - its what I want to do.
But I am going to fail this semester - I already have. the only thing to do is pick up and move on. but to pick up and move on is to touch bottom again and to touch bottom is to admit everyone of my failings...
I'm just not ready.
26 and it hasn't been long enough.
why can't I just grow old?
why can't I just let go?
why am I such a child?
what is my problem?
when everybody knew what they wanted..."
This is the begining of the end kids: for better or worse I won't be taking much school anytime soon... I've gone and fucked up this semester real proper, recieved a passing grade on 4 of 6 assignments and now I have one more lesson to write and a midterm (followed by four make-ups the week after). What a hole I've dug.
It upsets me, my failure in this class, though I set my self up for this. I planned a trip to mexico in the middle of the semester, I never got ahead, I never began my assignments on a tuesday - always on a sunday the day before they were due... I failed me.
And now I am bickering and so upset with so many of the other things around me when the simple fact remains that every one of us has one most important thing which we focus on the most and a ton of elephants just to the side... me its school and a social life. I have too much of a social life and not enough of the dedication for school. It's that simple. what's worse than the simplicity of the problem is my inability to change a goddamn thing... maybe I shouldn't be a teacher considering that it is a job that involves its most work in the fall and my whole life my autumn has been a time of going out (new friends at school), watching football, and just enjoying life...
maybe I shouldn't be a teacher? that's the dumbest shit I ever wrote. I should be a teacher - its what I want to do.
But I am going to fail this semester - I already have. the only thing to do is pick up and move on. but to pick up and move on is to touch bottom again and to touch bottom is to admit everyone of my failings...
I'm just not ready.
26 and it hasn't been long enough.
why can't I just grow old?
why can't I just let go?
why am I such a child?
what is my problem?
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