There are so many people I'd like to be. So many lives I'd love to lead. And yet how can I be anything other than me? I want to write books, I want to live in other lands. I want to teach children and grow as a part of a community. I want to be loved. I want to be needed. Sometimes I just want to be there. Sometimes I want to be asked what I think, others I wouldn't mind being told what to do... I definitely want to matter. And I usually do. Sometimes we get what we want...
I want to rock. I'd like to write an album. I'd rather just play a show with my dad. I strum my guitar day to day. Sometimes I learn a new song, or play along with an older one. Sometimes I write songs. i did just the other day. I should be recording all of this. I should be recording everything. I'd like to be a recorder, much like kerouac. Often I think I'd like to be Kerouac, and yet he was so sad. I like to be sad, but I don't want to stay there. Sadness is like a little vacation; it clears your head, reminds you of home. My home isn't sadness, but a part of it is.
Right now I have two months (july and august) wherein I could do whatever I'd like. I could write a book, I could organize my poems. I could write an album, I could join a band I guess... I'd like to get in shape. I'd really like to hit the weights. I feel fat and ugly sometimes. Not all the time, just sometimes. It's ok, I am. If I don't get in shape now I never will. I figure you've got from 25 to 30 to determine what body you'll have till your fifty. I'd like to run more, eat less its just so hard, and honestly I lack the determination. OF all my assests the one I miss the most is my determination. What was the last think I set out to accomplish and did? I basically slide through on the strength of my wit. I get by. I get by but I could do so much more.... I guess I just need a little push and maybe this is it. Two months empty enough to indulge in my interests...
on second thought I am pretty determined to be a teacher and I am succeeding at that. And it certainly hasn't been easy but I have stuck around. So I got that to hang my hat on...
I don't know if there is any one 'point' to this post - more of a way to align my thoughts... Tommorrow I am going to either go shave my head or I am not. Whichever way I choose I'll know where I am headed...
good night,
jdon
I want to rock. I'd like to write an album. I'd rather just play a show with my dad. I strum my guitar day to day. Sometimes I learn a new song, or play along with an older one. Sometimes I write songs. i did just the other day. I should be recording all of this. I should be recording everything. I'd like to be a recorder, much like kerouac. Often I think I'd like to be Kerouac, and yet he was so sad. I like to be sad, but I don't want to stay there. Sadness is like a little vacation; it clears your head, reminds you of home. My home isn't sadness, but a part of it is.
Right now I have two months (july and august) wherein I could do whatever I'd like. I could write a book, I could organize my poems. I could write an album, I could join a band I guess... I'd like to get in shape. I'd really like to hit the weights. I feel fat and ugly sometimes. Not all the time, just sometimes. It's ok, I am. If I don't get in shape now I never will. I figure you've got from 25 to 30 to determine what body you'll have till your fifty. I'd like to run more, eat less its just so hard, and honestly I lack the determination. OF all my assests the one I miss the most is my determination. What was the last think I set out to accomplish and did? I basically slide through on the strength of my wit. I get by. I get by but I could do so much more.... I guess I just need a little push and maybe this is it. Two months empty enough to indulge in my interests...
on second thought I am pretty determined to be a teacher and I am succeeding at that. And it certainly hasn't been easy but I have stuck around. So I got that to hang my hat on...
I don't know if there is any one 'point' to this post - more of a way to align my thoughts... Tommorrow I am going to either go shave my head or I am not. Whichever way I choose I'll know where I am headed...
good night,
jdon
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