I go through these prolonged periods of sadness every so often. I don't know how to make it stop, I don't know if I even care too; my cleansing always comes in sorrow and that sad realization that birth itself is indeed the saddest thing that will ever happen to me.
I forget, at times, for long periods of time, to be unhappy. During these times I am genuinely spiritual and efficient... but it always fades, for a little while, and I find my self in the cool black silt of the water Tool lyics echoeing in my head.
The fact of the matter is life as we know it is a sham; its all just a made up, arbitrary, created by a small sentient being to make itself feel a little larger...
I wish we'd all let our guards down, but everytime I do the whole world comes crashing down.
I can think of two times in my life, in the work place, where I let my guard down, though the other was honest, and opened up. One was at South Quad five years ago when I was used in some psuedopower-play in a management fued, hired to be fired and prove the position wasn't for people like me... the other was this semester when every time I even hint that teaching is just a job and things are bigger all the other teachers go crazy... and yet they can't even relfect their own lie with their own lives.
Its just a job folks. Is that so bad? Why can't we just say that we educate students, that it is indeed our passion, but that our everyday trivial bullshit is more important. It is. It is and noone wants to admit it.
I am the fool here.
I am the lazy one leaning on the truth of the matter.

and I haven't felt this way in years.