you know, you ever wonder when its time to stop fucking up and just change everything? I don't know, sometimes I just feel like up and walking out the door, dropping everything, and getting on with my life. I feel like leaving, I feel like forgetting all about htis bullshit. I wonder if I'll ever go anywhere if I don't run out that door.
It's like I am at the wrong starting point, or worse yet its not even a starting point. It's a fucking truck stop just outside of the junction... Its a way of life, I pick it up, I get some shit together, then I get lazy and I fall back into another rutine. I mean, I graduated four fucking years ago, from the university of fucking michigan... and now I'm living in my friends spare room withdrawing from classes and getting into fights.

All of this, its a trap. Its a comfort, a crutch and nothing more. Its a way to feel happy. a way to feel connected to life or whatever bullshit I hold holy...

don't be surprised one day when I am gone. When I move to mexico, or wherever, or when I just stop returning phone calls and drop this social life of mine. thats what kills me you know? its not anything other than the fact that I would rather hang out, watch a movie, go to a football game, talk shit, drink, sleep in, take pills, just plain talk, anything rather than cut the shit, finish my classes, and get a job.

Maybe I am afraid of something? maybe I just don't want to grow up or maybe I am just afraid that I might actually become something... or maybe I am just the laziest fucking person I know...