sitting here playing along with 'billy breathes', its been a day of soothing exercises... ate lunch with my grandmother, lost a few rounds of cribbage to her. I came home ready to get going with my schoolwork, but I'm not quite ready; it all feels so futile when I don't even know if I am going to be able to teach english...
to bring you all up to date, the woman who teaches my methods (spanish) class is opposed to me switching majors to student teach in english and unfortunately I can't take the english methods class without her approval. I know she fears that I am just trying to get around her, but I can't help but think that she is the one who taught me that I can't teach spanish. I believe her so I'm trying to go on my way and salvage what career I may. I don't want to teach english, I want to teach spanish, but if I must I will... and now she is preventing me from doing just that...
Went to court today, nothing exciting. I just sat in the back reading 'the unbearable lightness of being' and contemplating all that is heavy or light... the only real revelations were that when the cops come out you are on your own. All friends fail in the courtroom, or rather all friends limits are seen (but we already knew that)... I couldn't help but think back to when Jared sat in a room just like mine and took the blame for everything we did. People may wonder why I see him on par with greene, nick et. al. but all he had to do was say my name... and he never did. would I have done the same for him? Would most of my other friends. no. Too much to lose, that's why we all walk away when the cops come... in the eyes of the law we are all seen as we are (who needs the doors of perception when you've got the boys in blue?)... its kinda sad really... and all the people with lawyers go first. its disgusting to watch the money rule the room. I may just hate lawyers more than cops; at least some cops are trying to good while all lawyers are in it for the money... I should say trial lawyers or at least that rare breed that has chosen the DUI as their bread money...
my mother is covering my credit cards. God bless her, it'll be over fifteen grand that I owe her... I've got to get a job, a real job. but then we're back to Mrs. Nerenz and her obsession with 'helping' me... I am so broke. I don't even want to get into my school loans that are now up again and I can't defer them without being enrolled in class... and I can't enroll until Nerenz lets me move on with my life... that woman in the anchor I've wrapped around my neck...
the worst mistake I ever made was going to EMU.... this is nowhere. Nowhere, I tell you. There is no up, no down, no left, and no right, only right here/right now... "Whoa, sing softly..." sings my radio... nowhere, I am nowhere and thats just that. I thought I'd make it out, I thought I had a plan but even that falls apart under the previous poor decisions that own me. Anne Nerenz is the bain of my existence: she is the symbol for every corner I ever cut, every smirk I ever shared...
Tengo sueno friends...
tengo sueno
and it ain't going to go away
I get tired,
I get stressed
My thoughts
are too slow to realize the potential
and far to quick to anger....
maybe god should of never given us such great minds,
I keep getting caught up in the what-ifs I'd never comprehend if I were a cow or a pig... or even a lesser man.
I write to much
I explore my pain
and I forget all the good
searching for the significance
hidden in the weight of life
Books, pens, and pages are killers (my friends)
nothing worse than a blank page ready to be explored, cut up or created upon
nothing worse than having to fix the problems, ignore the obvious, and
delve into the depths of what really makes you tick.
I've got to stop writing, all the time I want to rehash and replay.
all I need is time...
time to get away from the mistakes I've made
time to get going on my new plans
time to put it all in perspective...
this is nowhere is all I need to know
and after a little time I'll be alright...
just like wilson says "pase lo que pase"
pase lo que pase
voy a ser feliz
pase lo que pase
I can only be me
pase lo que pase
voy a ver la verdad
(porque todo esta bien)
pase lo que pase
voy a ser feliz
porque pase lo que pase
I can only be me
and I am alright, its just the superfolous that keeps me down...
and I am alright, pase lo que pase I am alright...
(say that ten times and maybe I will be alright... its funny how this semester has moved from paso a paso to pase lo que pase, maybe next year I can build again...)
billy breathes is still on repeat, I think its a good way to pass the day... strumming and soothing my mind. As serious as this all is, as fucked as I really am, I need to remember, and remind you all, that I am content in a million other manners...
Softly sing sweet songs
Softly sing sweet songs
Softly sing sweet songs
Ooooh ooooh
to bring you all up to date, the woman who teaches my methods (spanish) class is opposed to me switching majors to student teach in english and unfortunately I can't take the english methods class without her approval. I know she fears that I am just trying to get around her, but I can't help but think that she is the one who taught me that I can't teach spanish. I believe her so I'm trying to go on my way and salvage what career I may. I don't want to teach english, I want to teach spanish, but if I must I will... and now she is preventing me from doing just that...
Went to court today, nothing exciting. I just sat in the back reading 'the unbearable lightness of being' and contemplating all that is heavy or light... the only real revelations were that when the cops come out you are on your own. All friends fail in the courtroom, or rather all friends limits are seen (but we already knew that)... I couldn't help but think back to when Jared sat in a room just like mine and took the blame for everything we did. People may wonder why I see him on par with greene, nick et. al. but all he had to do was say my name... and he never did. would I have done the same for him? Would most of my other friends. no. Too much to lose, that's why we all walk away when the cops come... in the eyes of the law we are all seen as we are (who needs the doors of perception when you've got the boys in blue?)... its kinda sad really... and all the people with lawyers go first. its disgusting to watch the money rule the room. I may just hate lawyers more than cops; at least some cops are trying to good while all lawyers are in it for the money... I should say trial lawyers or at least that rare breed that has chosen the DUI as their bread money...
my mother is covering my credit cards. God bless her, it'll be over fifteen grand that I owe her... I've got to get a job, a real job. but then we're back to Mrs. Nerenz and her obsession with 'helping' me... I am so broke. I don't even want to get into my school loans that are now up again and I can't defer them without being enrolled in class... and I can't enroll until Nerenz lets me move on with my life... that woman in the anchor I've wrapped around my neck...
the worst mistake I ever made was going to EMU.... this is nowhere. Nowhere, I tell you. There is no up, no down, no left, and no right, only right here/right now... "Whoa, sing softly..." sings my radio... nowhere, I am nowhere and thats just that. I thought I'd make it out, I thought I had a plan but even that falls apart under the previous poor decisions that own me. Anne Nerenz is the bain of my existence: she is the symbol for every corner I ever cut, every smirk I ever shared...
Tengo sueno friends...
tengo sueno
and it ain't going to go away
I get tired,
I get stressed
My thoughts
are too slow to realize the potential
and far to quick to anger....
maybe god should of never given us such great minds,
I keep getting caught up in the what-ifs I'd never comprehend if I were a cow or a pig... or even a lesser man.
I write to much
I explore my pain
and I forget all the good
searching for the significance
hidden in the weight of life
Books, pens, and pages are killers (my friends)
nothing worse than a blank page ready to be explored, cut up or created upon
nothing worse than having to fix the problems, ignore the obvious, and
delve into the depths of what really makes you tick.
I've got to stop writing, all the time I want to rehash and replay.
all I need is time...
time to get away from the mistakes I've made
time to get going on my new plans
time to put it all in perspective...
this is nowhere is all I need to know
and after a little time I'll be alright...
just like wilson says "pase lo que pase"
pase lo que pase
voy a ser feliz
pase lo que pase
I can only be me
pase lo que pase
voy a ver la verdad
(porque todo esta bien)
pase lo que pase
voy a ser feliz
porque pase lo que pase
I can only be me
and I am alright, its just the superfolous that keeps me down...
and I am alright, pase lo que pase I am alright...
(say that ten times and maybe I will be alright... its funny how this semester has moved from paso a paso to pase lo que pase, maybe next year I can build again...)
billy breathes is still on repeat, I think its a good way to pass the day... strumming and soothing my mind. As serious as this all is, as fucked as I really am, I need to remember, and remind you all, that I am content in a million other manners...
Softly sing sweet songs
Softly sing sweet songs
Softly sing sweet songs
Ooooh ooooh
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